What you are about to read in this section called My Experience are the most important lessons and experiences from my very personal journey of overcoming erectile dysfunction and an almost non-existent libido.
It started with shock and disbelief several years ago when I couldn’t get it up while I was with a woman. It then kept on happening again and again – I was simply unable to have sex. I was in my 20’s and I had no idea why my penis wouldn’t get hard. It didn’t make any sense to me that I should have these kinds of problems. Wasn’t this something that happened to old people?
I therefore wanted to try to understand what was happening to me. I wanted to understand why I couldn’t get erections anymore when I was with a woman. And then see if I could find a solution to these problems. This quest for a solution took me through despair, exhaustion, glimmers of hope, resignation, anger, belief and may other emotions. The voyage took more than 10 years. But I found a solution in the end.
Before I start telling you about these very personal experiences, I first wanted to share a few thoughts about this life that we are living. Or rather, about how our lives have changed immensely compared to the lives of our not-so-distant ancestors. Could the fact that we live such different lives today compared to humans 100,000 years ago (or even 100 years ago), partly (or fully?) explain why conditions such as erectile dysfunction and loss of libido are prevalent in today’s world?
Did the earlier versions of us even struggle with these conditions?
Most species engage in sexual activities only when it’s time to pass on the genes to the next generation. It is in fact very uncommon in the animal kingdom to engage in recreational sex. Recreational sex is only known among a few species such as the modern human being, bonobo monkeys, dolphins and a few others.
Did early humans have frequent recreational sex? Biologically, our bodies today are very similar to those of humans 100,000 years ago, so it is probably fair to assume that our natural tendencies to sex should be similar. And we do believe, based on evidence of erotic statues, cave carvings, and also mating among different subspecies of humans, that earlier versions of us did engage in recreational sex. However, we don’t know how often. Did they have sex every week?
If we look at some of our closest relatives for clues, we find very different sexual behavior. Chimpanzees, for instance, one of our closest relatives, do not engage in recreational sex. Bonobos on the other hand, another close relative to us, have very frequent recreational sex, and individuals even have sex with both genders.
Let’s pretend for a minute that our bodies are in fact not designed for sex every week. Let’s assume that our bodies are designed for sex only a couple of times a month. If that were the case, is it any wonder why many men (and women) struggle with performing sexually several times a week? Similarly, if we are designed for infrequent sex, is it so strange that many men (and women) have a tepid libido?
Also, the lifespan of humans as hunters and gatherers was significantly lower than that of the modern humans. We don’t know exactly what our average old lifespan was, but let’s assume for a moment that it was 40 years. If we for hundreds of thousands of years lived approximately to age 40, could that explain why erectile dysfunction and libido problems are relatively common in men of age today? If our bodies were only ‘supposed’ to live to about 40 (and were probably ‘supposed’ to procreate much earlier than this age) could this partly explain why older men have problems with the ‘reproductive’ activities?
Today, many modern human beings wake up early in the morning to travel to work or to school. When the alarm goes off, we have normally slept less than what we did 100,000 years ago, or even 50 years ago. We will also probably not take any naps during the day to make up for any sleep deficit. Sleep, rest and downtime are often not prioritized. We operate on a lot less sleep today than we used to.
To get to work or school, we often commute on a packed subway, train or bus, or we may be in a car in heavy traffic. Hence, the beginning of our day is often painted with stress. We then often take the same stressful route home. Our ancestors didn’t commute.
Throughout the day, we also spend a lot of time sitting down. Studies have shown that many of us sit on our butts for as much as 8 hours every day. This is actually not a healthy thing, and there is even a term for this called ‘sitting disease’. Our forefathers sat significantly less on their butts.
The modern human is often so busy with life that he or she hardly exercises or plays. In fact, many people don’t do any exercise or physical activity at all. Our distant ancestors lived a life that was significantly more active than ours. When is the last time you climbed a tree?
We spend several hours staring at a bright computer screen while at work or in school. When we come home, we often spend hours staring at a big TV screen. We have mobile phones in our pockets and often put them to our head to chat. We have wireless internet at home. There is wireless internet almost anywhere we go. Our environment is filled with electronics and radiation. Our ancestors didn’t text or surf the web.
We modern people also spend most of our time, or a significant part of it, inside buildings. We don’t see many trees, mountains, rivers or much nature. Many of us hardly get any sun exposure anymore. Our distant relatives spent most of the day outside in free nature and probably cherished the sun.
We live in large cities full of vehicles and buildings and people. Vehicles burn fuel to move, buildings need energy for heating and to power their appliances, factories emit smoke and waste, and power plants do the same. As a result, we have pollution and reduced air and water quality. Our relatives had little pollution other than the smoke from the camp fire.
At work or in school, there is often significant pressure to perform and deliver. The day is often filled with stress, intense work, lack of control of one’s destiny, unfair interpersonal politics, etc. There were probably also conflicts within the ancient tribe, among tribes and among individuals. But was the stress-level persistent and constant as it is for many of us today?
We eat processed foods, foods rich in calories but poor in nutrition, fast food, sweets and candy, drink alcohol and use various forms of pharmaceutical and recreational drugs. Our food contains chemicals such as herbicides, pesticides, hormones, antibiotics, etc. Our ancestors ate free range, organic, super-fresh, unprocessed, un-tampered-with, high quality foods.
Our social lives have also changed dramatically. We often don’t socialize with people around us, in the streets, on the subway, or in the apartment building. We live busy and important lives. Today, there is no time to socialize around the campfire and just relax. Or chill under a tree after digesting today’s meal. Or just chill and pluck somebody’s fur.
The average modern male also watches porn. Porn is extreme and commoditizes sex to something accessible anytime anywhere. It reduces sex from something that is relatively scarce to something available at a touch of a screen, sometimes causing addiction and sexual exhaustion. Back in the days, there were erotic cave paintings, but they hardly compare to the extreme virtual experiences available today.
Our lives today have become very different to the lives of people before us. There has been remarkable transformations, making life now hardly recognizable to life back then. Could these changes in lifestyle partly explain why many modern men struggle with erectile dysfunction and a low libido?
I have struggled with these conditions for more than a decade. But by slowly changing the way I lived my life to try to get back to some of the basics, by listening to my body, by giving it what it needs, by taking away things that are not good, and by being generally nice to my body, I have experienced tremendous results.
I have beaten erectile dysfunction. I have gotten my libido back. I have simply overcome my sexual health problems. I have reset my body. My body is now happy and it works like a charm. The quality of my life has skyrocketed, and it is as high as ever. I have regained sexual confidence, I feel like a man and I no longer have any worries or concerns when it comes to sex.
In this section, you will learn which lifestyle changes I have implemented based on my decade-long experiment. You will learn from my very personal experiences. You will learn how I overcame and beat the monsters of erectile dysfunction and a lacklustre libido.
I have presented these lifestyle changes in order of importance. Meaning, the change that is listed first had the largest impact, and the lifestyle change that is listed last had the least impact.
I want to state however, that making these lifestyle changes did not change my libido or erectile functioning the very next day. The mind and body are part of a very sophisticated system, and it took time for me to adjust and reverse the effects of unhealthy habits. I also believe that my brain had to be partly re-wired, something that was also not done overnight.