Surprising Lessons Learned From Being A Sex Therapist For 20 Years

Marianne Brandon Ph.D. has worked as a sex therapist for 20 years.

These two decades have taught her a lot about sex she wasn’t able to learn from books and theories.

Here are some of the lessons she has learned from these years:

Sexual dysfunctions are common. Up to 40% of women and 30% of men report experiencing sexual dysfunction of one or another kind. For men, the most common ones are erectile dysfunction, low libido, and premature ejaculation. And 20% of marriages are sexless.

Most people find monogamy hard. Although most people are in monogamous relationships, most people also find this difficult. She says that a conservative estimate is that 25% of all people in monogamous relationships have cheated. (Btw, I have seen other estimates stating that 80% of men do cheat at least once in a lifetime.) As a note: The vast majority of mammals are not monogamous.

People in consensual non-monogamous relationships are equally happy to those in traditional relationships. And people in these relationships generally have the same emotional struggles as other people. 20% of people have tried or are currently in an open relationship.

Men often have obscene sexual fantasies. Men, more so than women, often have sexual fantasies involving pain, partners much younger than themselves, sex involving family members and other ‘deviant’ fantasies. Often, these fantasies are an indication of deep emotional needs that remain unmet in real life, such as feeling desired, nurtured, or accepted.

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